chitsuelay's Xanga

Movies, my friend and me

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 15:08:50 GMT

When it comes to movies, I hardly browse any with my own initiative, i.e, I'd rather someone told me what the storyline is about. And my friend @simplysuzu is right, I like knowing what is going to happen, which is why I love re-playing my favorite ones over and over again and never really get tired of it.

Today, I got tons of movies from her, 99% of which I have never watched before. Whenever she asked me "I believe you have already watched this one? " my answer would be 'no' most of the times. This even we ran through a few movies at her place, and I guess I'm going to enjoy most of them. In fact, I had kept many movies in my HDD for a long time but didn't bother to browse them or sort them out. She also helped me categorize each and every movie I have on my hard disk. (Thank you, by the way)

Yup, I'm fully-stocked with movies-to-watch at the moment.

Good-bye

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 15:33:56 GMT

It was Monday, 23 January, 2012.

I woke up in the morning blissfully. Only because I saw Bush was sleeping in my arms. If I remember correctly, he looked better. I was glad that he was recovering. When I came out of my bedroom, he followed. By the time I finished my breakfast, I saw him resting on the living room sofa. I went over there and called him "Bushhhhhhh" .. he even replied with a very delightful 'meow' followed by his relaxing sound of purring.

Until that moment, I was keeping my hopes very high. The past 12 days of his severe illness had been extremely tough. But I would put up with anything to keep him alive. I had been nursing him day and night. Having to keep the temperature constantly warm for his low body temperature, I kept changing the hot water bottles, even in the middle of the night. As though it wasn't enough, I would even wake up from my sleep to heat up the blankets. If there was anyone to check on me at 4am during those days, they would see me ironing. He refused to eat or drink in the earlier days of his serious illness. I had to use a syringe to drop the glucose water into his mouth, drop by drop.

I kept saying to him and more importantly, but not very convincingly, to myself "We will fight this together. Stay strong. "

In the middle of his illness, I had to take a trip to Upper Burma with my dad. As much as I wished he would miraculously return to the better state of health and wait for my return, in my heart, I also secretly wished not having to witness the agony of his departure so that I could always deceive myself he had either disappeared or ran away. My mom took care of him during my 36-hour absence. It was as though my prayers had been answered -- he recovered. When I returned from the trip, he started to eat again. Little by little. It even surprised the vets who did not keep much hopes on him. Gradually, he started going outside to sunbathe himself without any person having to carry him and put on the sunlit spot.

I still kept changing the hot water bottles to keep him warm. I still woke up at intervals, even in the middle of the night, to check on his surrounding temperature and made sure it was nicely warm. Now that my prayers had been answered, I did it thankfully. When I looked into his eyes, I even felt as though he was trying to assure me that he would continue to live. I treasured every single second of us snuggling in bed, or his purring. I adored every sound of his meows. I cherished to see every single step of his graceful cat-walks.

It was the most precious one week in my life because I was at the mercy of Bush's postponed death.

At around noon of the said date above, I saw frothy saliva coming out from Bush's mouth whenever he breathed. I called the vet and he prescribed a few medicines to be injected. I was thankful that my parents are vets themselves (only not specialized in domestic species). While my parents went out to buy the prescribed medicine, Bush started getting restless. What I thought minor "just the frothy saliva" was just a symptom of a major problem -- his heart failing to pump and his lungs getting filled with liquids. Even though he was given right treatment in time, I guessed his heart and lungs were shutting down, making him impossible to breathe. The way he had to struggle for his last few breaths will permanently be imprinted on my mind. Forever

Only the half prayers of mine was answered -- he did recover miraculously even though it only for a short duration; but the other wasn't -- not to witness the pain he had to struggle.

He was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes in the morning and the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes. There's one quote I liked a lot from the book "The Kite Runner", written by Khaled Hosseini -- "For you, a thousand times over" said by the slave to his master. Yes, I would put up with those interrupted sleeps for a thousand times over .... and over and over again .... if only he were to live again.

I now feel like there is a huge vacuum in my heart.

To hold on? Or, to let go?

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:52:38 GMT

Sometimes, there are things that we know we have to let go gradually. Yet, we can't afford to do so because we've been holding on too long. It's never good to get too attached to people or things, and I would add one more to the list "pets"

I'm a cat person. I can never stand still whenever I see a cat. The sound of their purr is very pleasing for me. I myself have six cats at home. And of course, there is this cat -- my favorite. The closest one to my heart as he always sleeps next to me in my arms.

Don't be surprised when I tell you he is a very well-mannered boy. Despite his serious illness, he would still walk to the bathroom to pee and poo. But, at the same time he has this catitude. Every morning between 6 - 7 AM, he would meow until I wake up and feed him. If I just close my eyes again, he would jump on my bed, step forward then scratch my chin to wake me up. He doesn't like when I dance in front of him, especially wearing shorts. He would just bite my ankle, knee or thigh, whichever is reachable from where he is.

He was born on Thursday 31st October, 2002 and is now over n 9 years old. If he were a human boy, he would still be in his childhood. But the average life span of male indoor cats being 12 - 14 years, he's pretty much an old cat now. Lately, he's been suffering from various respiratory tract problems and I've been sending him to the clinic almost every day for the past 3-4 months. The vet said there are complications with his diseases. When one problem goes down, another came up. In short, his immune system or internal defense mechanism has been deteriorating and therefore keeps getting one sickness after another. Most of the time, he would just bounce back. He's been fighting until now.

One thing I know, he won't be there for long.
But, I keep whispering him to hang in there.
I keep nursing him ... the best way I know how.
I keep telling him and myself that we will fight this together.

Not everything is replaceable. No living thing is.
I could have another cat. But none will ever have the same personality like his, the same bonding we've built in-between, or the same manners.

I know it's about time to let go .......
I just can't. Not yet. No amount of time will ever make me ready.
Cause I've been holding on ...... way too long.

Fashion: a thing I never had any clue about.

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 06:07:40 GMT

One of my closest friends, named CZ, runs a fashion business. It is called C Zin's collections.
She goes overseas every now and then to shop and stock up for her fashion outlets.

Another closest friend of mine, Su Zu, who's also on xaga, @simplysuzu is interested in taking up photography.
She's extraordinarily good at grahpic design and photoshop as well.

There is this friend, called IG, @shorea_robusta whom I got to know through Su Zu, is exceptionally good at modelling
And I ....also .... love .... modelling, too (of course, for fun) nothing professional.

You guessed it right.
There was this one day in late November, when we all organized an amateur fashion photoshoot, just at my place.
The photos were solely intended for advertising on the shop's Facebook page.
Getting more people to know about my friend's business.

Apart from sharing those on Facebook, I thought I'd also share it here so that whoever pass by would browse some of our snapshots.
Well ... I guess maybe I am just bragging about it cause I have nothing better to do at this moment.

There was one very good thing for me about the photoshoot session -- I get the opportunity to try the various styles of dresses on.
Well, it might not seem a big deal for much girls. But trust me, I never knew how to dress myself up. I don't even know how to shop and what to shop.
And my ward robe would only have a handful of simple outfits.
It was like I almost saw the 'new' me. Or, me I could become if I dress up in a different way.

Here they are. Enjoy

Summary: 2011

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 03:42:01 GMT

It's 9 days since 2011 has ended, and hopefully it's not too late to take a look back.

Honestly, last year wasn't the best year in my life. Well, it wasn't even a good year in any way. My hopes and dreams didn't come true in many ways ... academically, financially, romantically. Yes, from most of the perspectives, it was a nearly total disappointment except a handful of good things; one of the being staying home with parents and having a somewhat pampered life again after years of staying away from home. It's amazing how the downside of one perspective could turn out to be the upside of the other.

Like I said in my most recent (but not so recent) blog post, when I accepted the fact that life doesn't always revolve around me, I felt so much relieved.
I always used to have (and I think I still do) this tendency to push things (sometimes, people) in to my own way. And if things don't turn out the way I expect them to be, I get miserable.
Half of 2011 was passed feeling miserable and disappointed just because things did not turn out my way.

Just before 2011 ended, I've also had to face with some unpleasant encounters which also involved an arrogant person. Since the moment I met her, I hate her so much yet I can't get rid of her from my head till now. It's like letting her stay rent-free in my head but I guess I will learn some day to get over how she had treated me and move on. Thankfully, she will not be playing any major role in my life in future.

One of the things I'm happy about was being able to resume driving in 2011. I don't know why I'm always fond of driving and my parents are always against it. I've got driving license more than 6 years ago and was driving before I left for abroad. When I came back, my parents always have this idea of not letting me drive because they don't want to have any risk of getting me hurt before I go back. But, now that I'm staying here for quite some time (now going to complete one year), I insisted that I would resume my driving. Reluctantly, my parents had agreed.

Life always has ups and downs.
I hope 2012 would turn out differently in so many good ways than 2011 was.

Life

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 13:57:47 GMT

I've learnt a lesson the hard way.

When you want something to happen really bad, and if it doesn't happen your way or not exactly as you wanted, you get terribly miserable.
Life is no longer miserable when you can just accept the fact that it doesn't always go your way.

Oh! December ...

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 14:26:12 GMT

As much as I don't want to jinx any tiny part of the plan by writing it down, I can't help but keep thinking about the trip I'm going with friends in December.I'm sure the girls are thinking about the same, too. (Maybe)

It's been 3 years (almost 4 , actually) since I last went to a beach. Nothing, exactly nothing, excites me like a trip to the beach, especially with friends. I love writing on the soft sand. Building castles on the sand or digging holes in it. <3 I love gazing at the sea, doing absolutely nothing. Oh, but probably holding a chilled mug of beer. (shucks, I'm going with NON-drinkers this time) x( Walking along the beach, at night -- looking up the sky. Riding motorbike or even bicycle. Having lots and lots of seafood. Last, but surely not the least, taking photos! At sunrise and sunset!

Speaking of seafood and motorbikes, I'm not exactly lucky with them.

My skin had horrible break-outs when I came back from the beach second time. It was assumed to be the result of too much 'seafood & coconut water' and 'sunburn'. It was never back to normal despite several months of treatment. (I don't care!)

During last trip to the same beach, a friend of mine had an accident with motorbike -- not a major one though. No one was injured. The thing is he was riding the one, which I was supposed to be on. Which means It could have been me if I did not switch the bikes. I did not know that, of course.

Anyway, I'll take extra-precautions with my skin this time. I'll apply lots and lots of sunscreen before being exposed to the sun. I'll consume only moderate amount of seafood with coconut water. I won't drive motorbike, I will only take bicycle. (Ok, that I can't promise)

There's still a month in-between. But I'm super excited.

Stay Healthy

Sun, 23 Oct 2011 10:02:21 GMT

As a kid, I was said to be pretty healthy. I hardly fell sick, yet recovered very fast when I did.
My mom assumed that it was because I had regularly consumed milk and eggs every day when I was a toddler.
I had outgrown my mom's and my aunt's height, became the tallest 'girl' among relatives.

But look what happened recently!
I fell sick every alternate month and my recovery isn't as speedy as it used to be.
Probably because I had cut down my diet in order to reduce weight recently.
I must have messed up with the nutrition.

I didn't treasure my health when it was all good.
I didn't appreciate the fact that I could eat whatever I wanted to.

Maybe I'll take better care of myself from now on.

( I really really want a cone of ice-cream, if only my throat is in good condition )
:(

I fail to write ...... regularly

Fri, 26 Aug 2011 07:03:22 GMT

I haven’t been consistent in writing although I always say that writing is one of my passions. If it is my passion, I should feel addicted to write. Writing should be one of my routines like eating or reading. Still, I find excuses like “I don’t know where to start” ... or “I have too many things on my mind to write them down.”

I consider “internet connection” as another excuse. Instead of writing down in a word document, I prefer composing and posting it on my blog right away. When I lose everything when submitting the post, I’m disappointed and that drains my enthusiasm to re-write again – I never leave any copy of my blogpost in a separate document like what I’m doing now for the first time.

Oh. Not only that. The internet also has another effect on me. Since I always want to write only on my blog, I turned on the computer to go to my own website. But the only two websites I end up loading on web browser most of the time are ‘mail.google.com’ and yea you are right ... ‘www.facebook.com’ after which I tend to completely forget about my initial intention to write a blogpost. =D I get drowned in the endless stream of Facebook newsfeed!

Another excuse is probably my inferiority – when I’ve read a good writing of others, I thought maybe I should read more to be able to write well, maybe I have not read enough to reproduce anything that is worth reading for others. But keeping a routine journal may not need that excuse if I just intend to polish up my writing skills or keep a routine of writing. Sometimes I thought to myself “maybe my writings are not competent enough – they probably won’t draw any attention from the readers.” Sometimes I compose, delete and re-compose but end up deleting everything.

Then again, I thought in which language I should be writing when I write a blogpost – in English ? or in my native language?

I did not know what target readers I want to aim at before I realized that the first reader , no matter what, I should write for is only myself.

Things ... Dad taught me

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 03:18:38 GMT

Dad taught me a lot of things. Some he succeeded, some he didn't.

(1)
One of the earliest things I remember he taught me personally was how to read the time. When i was in pre-school, I was able to tell the time by looking at the digital clock. Dad taught me how to tell the time from an analogue clock dial. I was in the first grade by then. He taught me the longest hand was for 'seconds' , the second longest one 'minutes' and the shortest one 'hours'. Then he made me practice telling the time by setting the clock in various positions -- at a quarter, a half, three-quarter first. Then in 10s, 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s. When he was sure that I had learnt well, he brought me to a store to buy me my first analogue wrist watch -- it was only 500 Ks.

He still continued buying me watches until today, too.

Two of those were bought by him.

(2)
Another small little thing he taught me was how to differentiate a palm tree from a coconut tree. I know it sounds very easy now but when I was a little more than 4-year-old I wasn't able to do it at all. We used to go jogging in the mornings around Kandawgyi Lake (yea both of us, by then, were more health-conscious and athletic than we are today). Around the lake, there were so many coconut trees and a couple of palm trees and I wasn't able to tell which was which so I asked dad. Although I no longer remember the exact words he used, I clearly remember that he pointed at each one and compared the leaves, the trunk and the height after which I was no longer in confusion.

(3)
When a little bit older, another question I asked him was how to differentiate Nissan Sunny pick-up from Toyota Publica pick-up as they looked just the same to me. Dad then again pointed at each one, whenever passed by, and said the differences in rare view mirrors, the back lights, the shape of the car body and most importantly, the logo. No matter how trivial or stupid my question might sound, he took each one serious and answered patiently which then made me clear afterwards.

Pulica Picture Source
Sunny Picture Source

(4)
Even without a request or a question, he also taught me things that become important in my life at certain point of time.

When I was not more than 5 year old, dad was working as a Manager at Pyin-Ma-Bin condensed milk production factory which was located 18-miles away from the city Yangon. He often brought me there. There was no direct buses as yet that time. It took nearly 90 minutes and 2 transfers by bus to get to there. Apart from Mom's Hilux parked in front of our house, Dad also did have a government car given to him. He often visited the factory even on the non-working days and weekends. Some days he drove, some he took bus. There was one day he asked me if I wanted to join him for a short visit to the factory. If I'm not mistaken, it was a Sunday. He was planning to drive there until I gave him a conditional answer which made him change his mind.

I said, "I will come with you only if you are driving," which clearly stated that I did not wish to take bus.

Then he said, " Darling, I was planning to drive at first. But, since you said this, it's time for me to teach you how to be happy taking buses"

I cringed and had no choice but to follow him only by bus.
On the way, he said "Look around, Darling. There are more people in this city who take buses than who drive. I want you to blend in, be in the majority. Even when you are able to drive your own car, you should not be hesitating for taking public transport"
Following weekends, he would also bring me to the city-center by bus and bought me something I wanted -- mostly books -- just to make me happy taking bus with him. Since then, I did not hesitate to take buses even though Dad would occasionally drive me to anywhere I would go.

(5)
I was nearly in my teenage when he taught this one. I know, I should have learnt this one from Mom rather than from Dad -- how to cut the onion properly, evenly, and safely. Dad was making omelette and he asked me to help. When he saw me cutting onions, he showed me the right way.

If you notice the way I hold the knife, might not have learnt it so well or might as well have forgotten it

(6)
There are also a lot of things he taught me, yet I still fail to fully utilize.

Observation, Reasoning and Judgement

For every decision you are making in life, he said "First observe as much information as possible, reason it then only make judgement."
I failed. Several times. Only because I am the type of person who love jumping into the conclusions, who makes hasty judgements and decisions.
Room for improvement!

360-degree Angles

Whenever there are disagreements (be it between mom or anyone and me), he would always remind me "There are always three hundred and sixty degrees to look at. For each degree change, the view may not be the same anymore. You need to try looking from other people's point of view"
Which I still fail at so many times, because I really can't bring myself to put in anyone else's shoes.

(7)
I still need to learn a lot from him.